Blood Checks / Tests

I got the shock of my life yesterday when I was following my dad to Pathlab.
I thought he was just going to take his OWN blood.
The conversation went something like this:

Dad : Have you eaten yet?

Me : No. Still waiting for you to go for your blood test.

Dad : Ok then you should do it too...

*I was caught by surprise..*

Why you wonder would I be caught by surprise?
Because I dislike blood tests / health checks. I know. I'm like an ostrich right...
I prefer to hide my head in the ground then to face reality...

But I already know I'm not healthy.
What more when you see it on paper screaming 'YOU'RE UNHEALTHY LAAA!!!!'
-_-"

I'm just afraid of discovering any type of unwanted sicknesses / illnesses.
That is frightening.
But I guess if I never check, I will never know.

And it's always better to know now then later when I'm about to die due to whatever problems that could have been scanned when I do a blood test...

I shiver at the thought of looking at my health report on Thursday.
Confirmed I need to start bucking up.
Need to start really exercising and jogging, cutting down my food intake, eating more fruits and living a more healthy life.

But why is it that it's so much harder to live out..?
Same goes for biblical principles and biblically related issues.
Man.
I don't really know.
Just hope that I can rely on His grace to help me through this.
I need to lose weighttttt!

Anyway, it's been troublesome trying to get all my contacts back.
My new phone has not arrived in my hands yet.
By Saturday!!!!! It should I hope.

I'm off to bed now!
Early day early dayyy tomorrowwww~

Lack of Emotion

I think I am seriously having some problems with myself.
Like seriously.

Was just thinking if I'd be those kind of mushy, sweet talking etc. kind of boyfriend..when I get a girlfriend..
And my conclusion is that I can't SEE myself doing that.
I don't see myself as those mushy guys who can openly declare their emotions!
It's like even the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable..what more if I actually do it.

I think I perceive myself as the type of boyfriend who doesn't show emotions much, at least publicly la.
I'll most probably be the type that gives very practical gifts / solutions or very practical things instead of soft toys etc. Depending tho.
Even my closest girl friend, Tsuen, mentions that she can't picture me as someone who flirts.
She says that I'm the type of guy who if I like a girl, I'll just go up to tell her I like her.
Very true.
Somehow, I just pray that the person I end up with is someone who can tolerate my practicalisme lol or who is someone practical herself.

That'd be cool.

I guess I'm just not used to showing emotions publicly.
I am a shy person after all..like really!
Sometimes I get so shy with new people that they think I'm cocky.
Omg.
Sends out wrong first impressions you know?

Well, just writing nonsense stuff here which don't really make sense.
It's just thoughts of mine.
Wish I could be a socialite / or a social monster!
But I don't know, I sorta find it difficult to make conversations with people, what more hold conversations with them...
Maybe I should pick up some conversational classes. If they ever have such a class.

Ok. I'm off to bed before I start rambling nonsense.
Night, world.....!

This is for the sweetest friend I have:)

LOL.
You might be wondering why I'm putting up a picture of Yuih up here.
That's because today she did the sweetest thing for me and this is my way of showing my appreciation!:)

Since I lost my phone, I lost all my contacts right..
This girl here, wrote most of the contacts of people that we both know on a piece of paper and gave it to me..!
I was shocked as I didn't expect anyone to do such a thing for me.
But then again both me and her go wayyyy back lol.

Thanks girl!:))

I will remember this for sure!

Tragedy and Love Languages

Today I lost my handphone.
It was a tragic experience.
I finally understand how people who lost their phones / got their phones stolen feel like now.
A part of me feels annoyed that my phone got stolen and the fact that all my contacts have not been backed up is worst.
Another part of me feels ok since I was actually already planning to change my phone..
Bah.
At the end of the day, my right pocket now feels lighter and empty. :(

I finally realised another flaw of mine.
Not being able to love people in their love language.
This is annoying especially when I have so many sisters and a mom who keeps on complaining that I don't love them...though I do!
Women are just complicated...T_T.
So after discussions, I figured that it is mainly because I don't show my love to them in their love language but mine instead. No wonder la!

And I think I've been becoming a bit arrogant lately..
Trying to curb my own tendencies of looking down on people at times.
I want to be able to encourage and not discourage.
If my words do not build, I don't want them to break people.
But I tend to do it even when I don't realise it.
I hope they forgive me for doing so as I don't really like that side of me.

I realised I'm so flawed.
And it feels like eternity to overcome these flaws but I sure do hope I overcome them eventually to become someone better.

I am hoping for things to change for the better
Trying to will myself to take action on things which I don't really like about myself.
It's tremendous discipline..

Help me, Lord.
Grant me the strength I need and the perseverance.
Grant me with Your grace which is sufficient for me too as I realise how flawed I am and how much You love me in spite of all my flaws.
Thank you!
Amen!

Unlearning

Shucks.
Unlearning things which I previously thought was 'right' is so freaking hard....

Valentine's Day and Disappointments

I think this post will be a rather long post.

4 major activities happened to me in this day.
The special day that every couple celebrates as a happy time and that every single dreads..or I'm just speaking for myself.
Whoever created Valentine's day should be shot.
What's the purpose of creating a special day to celebrate love and leave out the singles?
I might sound bitter but I am not.
It's just that I find this day a very commercialised day.
Why can't everyday be valentine's day?
LOL.

Well first of all was leader's meeting in which I felt the word I could draw from it was to be relentless in the pursuit of faith and of God.
How Mother Theresa was so relentless in her pursuit of the calling of God even though she did not hear from him.
The words 'I refuse Him nothing' is such strong words that I don't even know whether I can bear the full fledge meaning of those words that she said.
It feels so heavy, yet I know that at the end of the day, that's what I want.

Then there was mentoring session with Gordon which I discovered a lot of things about myself.

Then sharing of BGR from Pastor Mal and how he met Aunty Uma.
Very interesting and a lot of Christian principles on dating and relationships.
I hope it touched the youth and that they will take it to heart when it comes to relationships.

Then there was hanging out for valentine's with the older youths (Amy,Sarah,Julian,ZiJie,Aaron,ZheXian)
Aaron left after 6. But a few of us continued on and had dinner and played left 4 dead. Awesome!
And then looking at a ferrero rocher bouquet (99 ferreros in a flower bouquet like arrangement) which the florist charged like RM450!!!
Hahaha..I was like I think it's so possible to make it yourself for maybe half or 1/4 of the price.
But a lot of effort la.
Maybe I should save that idea for next time!:P


Anyway, that was just my first part of the blog.
My disappointments vary.
I am very disappointed with certain types of people.
I'm not judging them but just pretty much annoyed.
I find it annoying when people state complaints and complaint and say we're not doing things right, not rekindling the passion, not focusing on the right things BUT do not offer to be responsible or to take charge to assist/contribute in correcting the situations.

Long story short, I despise people who give complains with no suggestions for improvements.
People who complain and never take action to be involved in helping to contribute to the continuous improvement of the situation.
Not only in church but also in work places.
To this kind of people, I can only shake my head.
Sometimes to take it into account is one thing, but I personally believe this kind of things are a waste of my time.
What's the point of pointing out a flaw in the person but no providing any suggestions to help the person overcome the flaw?
It's not constructive at all!
You wanna make complains do so please, BUT give a suggestion as to how we can improve.
I'm quite sick of this literally.

And then the fact that somehow I find so many guys shying away from leadership or commitments to church ministries or in things that can help them grow.
Personally saying that, I put myself on a position where I know I will therefore be judged or tested in saying what I say.
Sometimes I personally feel that I am not fit to lead.
Nor do I feel like leading.
But I personally believe that leading and serving in the ministry is not about what you FEEL.

You say you want to be passionate about something, but all you do is sit down there and expect it to drop from the sky.
You say you that things in church are not good, but you do not want to take part into being part of the solution to improve.
And to the group of people who are trying to improve the situation, you just give discouragement rather than encouragement.
Trying to give a more spiritual input than a practical input.
You say you want to be closer to Him, but you do not even take any initiative to read the bible, pray and seek out help.

* This is not meant for any specific people. Just my opinion.

What is this?!?!
Do you know that if you want something, you have to go and get it?
Nothing comes easy.
If you do not WORK for it, you will NEVER appreciate it.
You reap what you sow.
God never said you reap what you never sow.
Yes, God will still provide for you.
God will still help you.
But he can never help you if you don't help yourself.
Get out of your comfort zones!
Step it up!!

God has called us to be more than conquerors in Him!!
Not complacent, mumbling and complaining people!

It's a burning desire to see the GUYS in the youth take up leadership.
To see the YOUTH themselves take up leadership and take ownership of their own ministry.

I just pray that God will grant me the patience.
I think personally what I have wrote are my personal frustrations and thoughts on things that are happening.
And I believe most leaders also feel this way.

God, grant me the patience and the faith to continue trusting in You.
Pray for forgiveness of any of my sins and if any of my writings have offended anyone.
Pray that more leaders will continue to rise up from amongst the youth.
God, move us all to higher levels with you!

Amen.

Struggles as usual.

It's just so hard.
I know it's wrong but it doesn't stop me.
Why can't I just stop it?!

Would it be right to use the verses 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak' here?
Or more like my mind still has not been renewed or transformed by Christ?

It's like I just feel like giving up at some point.
But I never ever want to walk down that road again.
Never.

Lord, help me again.
I've failed you once more.
Yet I know you love me more than anyone else can.
Help me overcome this.
I know your grace is sufficient for me.
And in You I find my help.
Help me trust in You more and more each day.
Renew my mind and transform me to be more like You.
I hate this internal struggle and only You can deliver me.
Thank you, Lord.

Amen