Just a place for my thoughts.

Happy 52nd Independence Day Malaysia!

It truly is great to have an independent country, but the stupid part is having our government led by ministers whose credibility can go questioned...


Anyhow, we should be glad that we finally have 52 years of indenpendence.


I sit here at 3.30 am penning down my emotions and thoughts.

Emotions and thoughts on so many things that I don't even know where to start.


I never knew being a grown up involved so many decisions and priority arrangement that makes me sometimes just want to drop it all down and just go for a holiday.

I feel like there's so much pressure to perform and rise up to the occasion, that it honestly is quite daunting.


So many questions go unanswered.


And they still go unanswered till today.

Whether it's because I don't want to take necessary action to prod those answers out or to the point where my prodding doesnt bring me anywhere, I don't know.

People think they know me, but do they really know the real me?


I think no one knows me better than my own Creator.


That being said, I feel that I've been drifting apart from Him.
I feel that honestly at times, I prefer to depend on myself at times than on Him.
And I am guilty of relying on my own strength to get things done, instead of Him.
Relying on my own human wisdom and intellect than on His wisdom and discernment.


But when something so real and so tangible stands in front of you within your reach and you're asked to trade it off for something intangible and something unknown, or invisible, I honestly find that being the hardest decision to make.


Even what I think is real and tangible is still uncertain.


But still I find it a struggle to trade it off.

I think I never give myself enough credit at times.
I seem to feel like I have low self esteem, which I admit I do.
Especially with girls.

Sigh.
The person who can make you smile the widest can also make you hurt the most.
At the same time, when you try not to expect anything, they do something that creates expectations.
It does get annoying after awhile.

When things seem to be going on well, I always question myself whether this is too good to be true?
Why is it when I try to get closer, there's a bloody barrier?
I guess it's issues that I have to deal with myself.
Maybe I'm just thinking too much.

In the process, I just hope that I don't become too jaded and bitter with things in life.
Sigh.

I'm stopping here before I go on and on. I just needed some therapy.
Some place to place my thoughts in tangible forms even if everyone is reading it.

However, barbeque food and a can of beer with really good friends made my day =)

I don't know when I will see you again, but I do hope is soon.=)

Randoms

I'm quite shocked that my blog has been linked to a few of my youth's blogs.
GG.

I feel so...er paiseh la.=)
Anyhow, my blog is my own personal ranting space anyway. Mmm.

Starting the week off being sick ain't fun.
Not when I have an IMPENDING deadline on Friday.
My boss is so gonna slaughter me this week la I think=(

On another note, mmm, I don't feel as emo as I used to.
Sorta like this feeling though.
But I am sad that I wouldn't be able to see someone this week due to our busy schedules.

Rawr.

I think I'm slowly learning the real aspects of a Christian life.
Facing the real world and the challenges it poses ain't easy at all.
Things are not as easy as they used to be.

Actually they never are.....
Anyhow, I'm gonna get back to my bed and sleep somemore.
Still need to work eventhough I'm on MC.-_-"

Touch my hand

Saw you from the distance
Saw you from the stage
Something 'bout the look in your eyes
Something 'bout your beautiful face
In a sea of people
There was only you
I never knew what this song was about
But suddenly now I do

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
'Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again

I see the sparkle of the million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that's shining out so bright
Is the one right where you are
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you and the band

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
'Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again

Saw you from the distance
Saw you from the stage
Something 'bout the look in your eyes
Something 'bout your beautiful face

Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
'Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again

Trying reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach you as far as you can
Only me, only you and the band
Trying reach out to you, touch my hand
Yeah, yeah.

-Touch my hand by David Archuleta-

Awesome song=)

Emotions

Man, emotions are like delicate things to deal with.
Mmm..I wonder how people ever handle their emotions well.

I'm afraid to let my emotions get the best of me.
Afraid to be too disappointed, but if I never try, I'll never know.
Afraid to take a step further, but if I don't I'll never get to know a person better.

It's like risky business.
To leave yourself completely fragile at the expense of the other person.
Omg. I don't know.

But at the end of the day, I believe always playing safe doesn't help either.
There needs to be some risk taking.
And I guess if that's what I have to do now, then so be it.

All I can hope for is that things turn out for the best.
=)

If not, I guess I'll just have to move on as usual and learn to deal with the disappointments later.
Sigh.

Problems and Solutions

There are times when people have to go through things alone.
I feel that this is one of the times.

I wonder if I ever made any mistake?
Did I do anything wrong?
Am I too immature for these things?

Things just keep crashing down on me.
Even when I NEVER asked for them to crash on me.
I guess that's why it's 'crashing'.

I can't even let my guard down for one moment.
Damn.
When I do, I get hurt and jaded.
When I don't, I get stone cold and consistent..like a freaking tangent to the curves.

Sometimes I feel it's so much easier not to care.
Not to give a damn.
The more you care, the more you get hurt.

I guess it's all a test.
A test which I don't really know the intended outcome.
All I know is that even in this tests which I am facing, I can only rely and hope in God eventhough I feel undeserving.

Have to sort them out one by one.
Starting with my emotions.

August is a new month.
With a new month, comes new things.
Every day is a gift. No point worrying bout tomorrow.
Yesterday is history, today is a gift and tomorrow is a mystery..that's why today is called present.