New year 2012...

Thought I'm just gonna be using this place after not updating it for 2 years...

Gonna be a blog I will use to motivate myself and push myself to lose weight and track progress.:)

Hope it'll be sustainable and workable!!!! AHHH!:P

Happy new year!:D

No more whinings.

I realised after looking back at my old blog that most of my posts were filled with whinings and immature babble...

Have I really matured that much?

I've made it a point therefore that I will no longer whine about things on my blog.

There will be the occasional emo posts, but mostly I think I want to focus on the good things of life instead of emoing all the way. There's always more than one way to deal with things.

:)

It's been a pretty sad week with a close friend departing back to Australia to continue her life but on the other hand a pretty exciting one cos another friend is coming back. :S

Gym routine has been good. I go at least once a week..trying to push it to 2 times but it is pretty tough. I think I just need to get into the habit..
Still need to discipline myself in regards to food intake.
I think I might want to join boot camp again for one full month session and try it out. I know it sounds pretty suicidal...but I think it would be pretty fun.

Book reading has been ok. Almost done with a book for this month!:)

I just realised this year is gonna be pretty hectic with:

1. Two projects most likely going through construction phases at the same time = a LOT of work...
2. Application to sit for my professional interview to become a Professional Engineer meaning going through all the courses and preparations for the interview and written examination.
3. Supposed to plan for a close friend's 21st...another 11 months to go.
4. Training to climb Kinabalu again and hopefully Everest Base Camp next year..
5. Reorganising my life amidst all that


The year has started off pretty well.
Just hope it gets better!:)
Just thought of posting up my thoughts after going through my old blog and looking at my new year's resolutions..

New year again.

So the new year is near.
2010.

I don't really know what's going to go on this coming year.
Except that it will be hectic with work since the projects are due to be completed 2010.
:S

I do however have a few things in mind I would like to try to accomplish in the coming year:

a. Lose 20 kgs - I have said this every year, just hoping that this year I can achieve at least the goal that I have set beforehand. This 20 kgs is a big goal. This 20 kgs will enable me to climb the mountain easier. Not only that, I want to tone up as well. Tough one. A lot of work to be done, but I'm sure it can be done...

b. Read 1 book a month at least - this will amount to 12 good books that I should complete by the end of next year (at least..). This will equal to a good amount of input into my life, be it learning new techniques of management, spiritual leadership, new things about areas which I'm not familiar about.

c. Carry out a consistent quiet time - To set up at least 30 mins in each day to be devoted totally to reading and meditating on the Word and for prayer. It's time to get serious.

d. Do more outdoor activities - hiking, trekking, playing more sports e.g. badminton, dancing etc. Anything that gets me moving.

e. Spending time on what matters most - To spend time on what builds me and what is important (family). Need to start scheduling myself and planning out properly.

f. To up my career/skills - To polish up or improve on my work skills e.g. project management and to also be exposed to new career opportunities if possible and if God willing. Staying too long in one company can really affect a person..

g. Do some travelling - be it to Korea, NZ, Aus..anywhere with friends and family. Somewhere which I have never been to but want to go. Need to save up for this...

h. To be a better person each day - to find ways to improve myself in areas of communication especially in expressing my emotions/feelings to people. I seem to lack in this area..

i. Be involved in lives of others - be it the youth in the church or my highschool friends. It's time to impact people.=)

j. To settle all my emotional complications/insecurities etc. - I have a feeling this can only be settled through a close walk with God...

Yeah basically, those are just some to name a few.
I will periodically carry out reviews when and where possible.

Lord, I commit the new year into your hands.
Guide it as you please as you have mentioned in your Word that Men can plan their ways, but it is God who directs his paths.
I take comfort in Your word.
Thank you, Lord for the year that has passed and let me go into the new year with your blessings!:)
Amen!

2009

It's been an awesome 2009.

It's already coming to the end of November and I am already reflecting.



I remember in the beginning of the year, I did mention that it was gonna be a year of breakthroughs for me personally.



And I think so far it has.

Trying not to limit one's potential to just what people perceive it as is indeed a hard thing.



Well, I'm going to list a few of my experiences here which 2009 has brought me and am glad of it.



1. Going for Boot Camp Trial

This was one of the most interesting things I can ever recall doing. Signing up to wake up at 5 am for 3 days in a week to go and exercises INTENSELY until I could not sleep back after the exercises. This was an awesome idea by my friend Ken Zen. I think I really had fun but during the sessions, it seriously tests mental and physical strength.

I think I lost 1 kg at least during that 1 week...mmmm.



2. Assisting Orang Asli to clear land for farming

Awesome experience. I never thought that assisting the orang asli to clear the land meant climbing a steep hill after the rain and chopping away branches and trees and burning them and coming back down and slipping a few times to fall on my ass. Wow. Awesome experience I would say. Felt good to be able to help them lessen the burden.



3. Climbing Mt. Kinabalu and not reaching the top....

Definitely tops my list of things that I would never do normally. I really love KK as in the mountain and the area, but I dreaded the climb. The walk that took 10 hours, plus another 6-7 hours in the wee hours of the morning and then not being able to make it to the top and then climbing back down for another 6 hours. Hahaha was crazy, but when I look back at it, was damn fun. Would wanna do it again when I'm fitter. LOL if that's ever gonna happen.



4. White water rafting

AWESOME!!!:) PADAS RIVER WHITE WATER RAFTING. Had an awesome time.



5. Mentoring with Gordon

This definitely was one of the good things this year. Having someone to be personally accountable to and to be mentored in areas which are not really easy. Having someone to listen to my experiences and give me valuable inputs. Am extremely thankful of having a good mentor and friend like Gordon. Though sometimes I do feel like I've failed him at times.. mmm..



6. Meeting her, liking her a whole lot and going on dates with her.

Would never regret this. Having someone as company to go for dinners (expensive ones..), movies and just hanging around to talk. Just being with her felt good. Mmm. She allowed me to be me and just to enjoy her company...sigh. And through her, I discovered many things about myself and about girls in general. I do wish I could turn back time sometimes, but seems like decisions have been made and I just have to deal with whatever I have left. Thank God for giving me this opportunity though I do feel that I might have been slightly rebellious. Thank God for parents who counselled me. Thank God for allowing me to feel what I always wanted to feel again...to remind myself that I am human.



7. Being a project leader

This year gave me an opportunity to lead a project under my manager's supervision. Was and still is a very enriching experience in enabling me to lead my project, and given the responsibilities to carry which I feel has taught me a lot. Definitely very useful for my future career.



8. Experiencing God

Experiencing Him in so many situations of my life even when I was rebellious and did not want to listen to Him. I experienced His grace, love and mercies. And even His forgiveness, sternness. And even learnt new things about being a Christian. Man, it is a tough life.

Can't think of anymore things.

But if I do, I will update this post again...

2010!!! HERE I COME!:)

Reflections

As I browse through the earlier entries to my journal in the year, I think if there is one thing I experienced in the past 10 months, is that becareful what you wish for.

I wished to feel emotions which I haven't felt in a long while at the beginning of this year.
And it came to me June onwards till now.

Just wanted to thank you for:

• Letting me experience feelings which I haven't felt in a long while.
• Being the person you are.
• Helping me discover who I am at times and just letting me have fun along the way.
• Letting me develop and mature in certain ways.
• Allowing me to face the crisis of the Christian faith and knowing that at the end of the day, it was a test after all.

It's been a nice trip.
It's been a worthwhile experience.

But knowing that I will never be able to progress any further then where I left and knowing that the battle can't be won without Him in it, I've decided to place this whole episode of my life on the shelf of my life as part of things that I will need closure on later.

At the mean time, thank you.
It's back to being friends for now.=)

I finally understand what it means to have no expectations with a girl.
It means pure rubbish.

LOL.
As long as I'm human, I have expectations.
'Nuff said.

That's as much as I can say.

Changes

I guess I've changed pretty much.

My thoughts, idealogies and concepts are all different now.
I don't know if it's just cause I've been disappointed too many times by holding on to idealistic thinking and found that by compromising that, disappointment doesn't hurt so much.

Just felt like blogging at 3.40 am.

I never used to drink so often, now it's like every Fri or Sat is a drinking night (casual drinking).
I never used to feel so jaded, now I feel so jaded about many things.
I never used to look at girls or check them out, now I do.

My concepts of girls also changed. I find that :

1. No girl is innocent no matter how they try to hide it.
2. Girls somehow are naturally manipulative, but it depends on the degree of manipulativeness they are. Think Crazy-Hot graph from How I met Your Mother.
3. Girls love attention even when they might not be committed to furthering a relationship. Not all but most.
4. Girls are necessary evils.
5. Confused girls or girls who don't know what they want are the last thing you would want to deal with.

LOL.
The thought of getting into a relationship also sorta scares me.
The thought of being restricted doing things that I might love, or handling difficult situations such as arguments and such.
The thought of not being able to handle my own emotions/feelings/insecurities that might carry over to the opposite partner.
The thought that I might not be good enough for my partner...shit that's the worst.

I find that girls that turn out to be wife materials are not necessary the type that I would be attracted to now. I'm just messed up man.

I also shiver at the moral decay in the world.
What happened to boundaries? No sex before marriage? No taking the easy way out?
What happened to Godly values?
What happened to Christians (myself included..)?
Why are we accepting second best rated goods instead of accepting the best from God?
Is it natural human tendencies to do so?

I am deeply encouraged by Christian couples who put God first and things are working out so well for them such as my mentor and his wife (Gordon and Esther), Danny and Crystal, my own parents etc.

There is still hope after all.
I just hope that when I make decisions such as marriage and relationships, I won't screw up.
Sigh.

I just want to return to my childlike faith.
To become a child again whereby the worries and cares of the world were not in picture at all.
Where my faith in God was just faith. Pure faith and belief.

God, please bring me back to where you are.
Help me to focus on you and to obey you.
I need you, I want you.
A broken spirit and a contrite heart you will not despise.
Amen.

Patience

Parents are really always wise.
Even if you don't really want to hear what they say cos you probably know they're right, it just eats in to you..

The things that I've learnt recently (1~2 months) can be summarized into the few pointers below:

1. Parents are always right
2. Am I willing to submit and give myself up totally as well as just trusting God to provide my needs? My dad gave a point where God works in mysterious ways...mysterious ways indeed..
3. Girls who don't know what they want seriously are just plain annoying..
4. Not everybody plays by code of honor / ethics but that shouldn't stop you from continuing to play by the code of honor/ethics.
5. Key things to look for in future wife material girls : oneness, God Fearing and Character.
6. I need to start having some proper, realistic, basic criterias to look for in a girl..mmm.
7. I should stop looking and just enjoy myself in this phase of singleness, for when God provides, He PROVIDES!
8. I need to get myself settled out.
9. Most important : Do not fret when others succeed in their ways, but to trust in Him and wait patiently on Him.

That's all I wanted to put here.