Of emotions and numb feelings.

So I sat down, thinking through certain things.
And I realised that there are things in me which have changed much to my likes/dislikes.

I really cherished those moments when I really could learn to just like someone.
The emotions of being nervous around that someone, just wanting to spend time with that someone, just going crazy thinking bout things related to that someone..
And of course the abyssal awkwardness that occurs when that someone finds out.
Just the butterflies in the stomach.

All the things that emotions bring when you really like someone.

Now all I feel is a numbness.
Even now, when I like a girl.
I just feel numb.
Of course I still feel my insecurities and such..that's quite annoying though.

I hate this feeling.
It's like I'm facing difficulties in trusting people with my heart.
Difficulties in even opening my heart to anyone.
I realise I shy away.
Maybe it's cos of my past experiences which weren't anywhere pleasant.

I am just hoping and praying that this year, things will change for the better.
I will learn to be able to open myself up to that special someone who ever she is.
To overcome my own insecurities.
To really just trust in Him to provide and to wait patiently and not fret.

Meanwhile, I just really want to experience things again.
To break down my stupid self made barrier of numbing myself to these things.
I just want to find myself again.

My naive side.
My innocent side.
My un-jaded side.

Will I be able to find it again?